Drugging Dream

Its been a few years now since my last drug dream. I will be 11 years clean this july2nd and since then I have had 4 or 5 vivid drugging dreams. Early on in my recovery, in one of my first dreams, It seemed as if I had no recovery program at all. When a drugging friend came, I automatically closed all the windows to my room. Later on I remember, in one of my dreams, one of my counselors in rehab found me scraping off the residue of the cyrstal meth in the folded foils I used to keep hidden around my room. In my most recent dream, which occurred 2 nights ago, I was trying to manage my drugging by going on binges then stopping, trying to live a normal life trying to hide my drug use. In my dream, I woke up and realized that it had just been a dream. It all seemed so real and I was thinking, did I really do that? When did I do that? Then I realized I was still in a dream and then I woke up. I guess this was probably the sharing of this person who had been coming a few times to the NA meetings in Baguio. It seemed from this person's sharing that he was still hoping that somehow he could still manage his using but on the other side, the unmanageabilities were catching up to him and the desire to stop was becoming an attractive choice.
Yesterday, while I was buying notebooks for my son in SM, the thought of what it would be like to take a toke or two of weed suddenly struck me.
The drug dream plus the thought of the weed is all a reminder to me, that no matter that I have been clean for almost 11 years, the fact is I am an addict. I cannot forget that my addiction is a cunning disease waiting to resurface in one form or another. I cannot forget the hell and the lousy and pathetic life I had in my active addiction. I cannot compare and will not exchange the serenity and gratitude I have
for the simple and happy life I have now. I thank God and Jesus for my beautiful life. The blessings just keep coming, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly. So long as I follow His way, I have nothing to fear. Stay clean and fit everyone.